A gentle reminder for all of us: your pain was once your strength

Whether we are talking about dysfunctional movement patterns, unhelpful habits or coping strategies, hyper-vigilance, perfectionism, co-dependency, back pain, chest breathing, teeth grinding, overactive neck muscles or some other tendency, don’t forget that at some point that was likely a very helpful strategy to develop. It kept you alive, it helped you cope. And whilst it may now be frustrating or hindering, at some point, it was your strength. Even your strange breathing patterns, which are now giving you neck pain! As I like to say, “You’re not broken, you’re a badass! Your body isn’t going to hang around waiting for you to figure out how to use your diaphragm properly to keep you alive. We would literally get nothing done in the day if that were the case. Our bodies are going to do whatever they can to keep us breathing and get out the door!”

Another classic example is back pain. I tell patients all the time to imagine that it’s like they have 3 people on the job site: their core muscles, their back and their hips.

Too often, the hip and core muscles tend to go have an extended smoko break, leaving the low back to pick up the slack and carry the team.

Of course, do that for long enough, and then the back gets sore and cranky! But it’s not really fair to blame our backs for that either, when really they are just helping us get the job done. They are literally carrying us around all day as we go to work, exercise, carry the kids, put washing out, run for the bus and everything else. Befriend your back pain! Whilst now it may be slowing you down, for a long time it was your strength. It was carrying the team, potentially for a very long time before it started getting sore.

Even in direct trauma, we can see how system failures helped keep us safe. A rib fracture protected your lungs from more significant damage; a meniscus tear prevented your knee from dislocating and an ankle sprain prevented you from breaking your leg. Even limping around after an injury was initially a very useful thing to do! It just may not be that useful to you years later, after the original injury has healed and you are now getting hip or back pain from it.

When we remind ourselves that our pain is our strength, we can have a lot more compassion for ourselves and our process. Shaming ourselves into change isn’t a sustainable long term strategy. It’s why a lot of exercise and diet programs don’t work. Being pulled towards a vision of yourself, rather than being pushed by shame or pain, requires more imagination, but is ultimately more successful over the long-term. If we can learn to regard even our pain points with compassion, when things go awry, we will forgive ourselves quicker and be more likely to get back on the horse and give it another go.

And so here’s an inquiry for all of us to sit with for the next few weeks: How did this pain once serve me?